Having wholeheartedly believed that knowledge would alter my addictive nature and give me a nudge in a more positive direction only shows how wrong I could be. With a disease so life threatening it seemed logical to seek professional advise and avoid any notion that some kind of spirit could help. Now that the truth has been unlocked through scripture however, my previous psycho babbling pursuits have since been recognized as life threatening experiences. All that intellectual searching was set on nothing more than a pride and fearful foundation built by my own self-will, which was placed alongside professional people that had some good yet naïve humanitarian intentions. They meant well but could not deliver nor withdraw from me the truth. Unfortunately this attitude simply highlighted my then brash, shallow and soulless character. Forgiveness, Love, being sorrowful and the need for redemption, or a redeeming nature, were never looked at as potential healing methods. I often believed, or perhaps hoped, that the professional therapists seemed so close to restoring my sanity, just one more visit and I’ll be fine was the nearest I got to any recovery at all. Nearly recovered does not wash when up against addiction.