18-08-2014: I saw Terry today, he looked awful. He appeared to be wandering around inside the selfish maze of his own head. Rest assured, Terry’s head is not a good place to be. Passing him by in the busy Southend-On-Sea High Street I could see his eyes were glazed over with an angry, vacant inward stare. He never noticed me at all. Looking at him walk by it seemed all those thoughts that filled his head made his lips move slightly. Mumbling to himself, sorting out yesterdays ills.
Having wholeheartedly believed that knowledge would alter my addictive nature and give me a nudge in a more positive direction only shows how wrong I could be. With a disease so life threatening it seemed logical to seek professional advise and avoid any notion that some kind of spirit could help. Now that the truth has been unlocked through scripture however, my previous psycho babbling pursuits have since been recognized as life threatening experiences. All that intellectual searching was set on nothing more than a pride and fearful foundation built by my own self-will, which was placed alongside professional people that had some good yet naïve humanitarian intentions. They meant well but could not deliver nor withdraw from me the truth. Unfortunately this attitude simply highlighted my then brash, shallow and soulless character. Forgiveness, Love, being sorrowful and the need for redemption, or a redeeming nature, were never looked at as potential healing methods. I often believed, or perhaps hoped, that the professional therapists seemed so close to restoring my sanity, just one more visit and I’ll be fine was the nearest I got to any recovery at all. Nearly recovered does not wash when up against addiction.
Alcoholics, God and psychotherapy focuses on the Rambling Bricklayer’s personal journey alongside details, histories, successes and failures of how addicts search for recovery.
I am sure the psychiatrist negated a nod when I walked into her office. Immediately she began a no nonsense key holding approach to unlocking the self styled padlocked barbed wire that was wrapping me up and cutting me to pieces. The self-willed barbs were sharp, intricate and painful to say the least. I sat down sheepishly, her eye brows dipped. Oh no, I’ve already done something wrong, I thought, painfully. She studied me for a moment, weighing me up while taking notes. Her pen took brood swoops across a page with confidence like a real professional. “Don’t worry” she said “the notes are for our file only”. I clearly wasn’t fit enough in the head to read what she had written, the words were for “their file only”.
Counselor, Law or God looks at how counselling can affect an addict and keep them away from true freedom. Further to this there are provoking thoughts on eugenic theories that are based on human supremacy…
Counselor client relationships can only be hierarchical making it practically impossible for an addict to open up and search for the truth, which is the essence of an addicts wellness. Having a financial agreement immediately places those involved into an economical relationship where a person who feels low is purchasing wellness from a professional who knows best. How wonderful it would be to purchase from a doctor a large portion of wellness. We can be sure there are many selling such ideas. Buying our way out of mental darkness however is impossible. Buying our way into heavenly freedoms is also impossible. Saint Peter was clear when confronted by a man called Simon who offered money in return for the Holy Spirit.
When Simon saw that the Spirit was given at the laying on of the apostles’ hands, he offered them money and said, “Give me also this ability so that everyone on whom I lay my hands may receive the Holy Spirit.”
Peter answered: “May your money perish with you, because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money! (Acts 8: 18-20).
As each therapy session began of course there were smiles and pleasant conversation, but due to the money exchange there can be little love in those situations where one is an all knowing professional psychiatrist and the other is mentally exhausted at best.