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Having wholeheartedly believed that knowledge would alter my addictive nature and give me a nudge in a more positive direction only shows how wrong I could be. With a disease so life threatening it seemed logical to seek professional advise and avoid any notion that some kind of spirit could help. Now that the truth has been unlocked through scripture however, my previous psycho babbling pursuits have since been recognized as life threatening experiences. All that intellectual searching was set on nothing more than a pride and fearful foundation built by my own self-will, which was placed alongside professional people that had some good yet naïve humanitarian intentions. They meant well but could not deliver nor withdraw from me the truth. Unfortunately this attitude simply highlighted my then brash, shallow and soulless character. Forgiveness, Love, being sorrowful and the need for redemption, or a redeeming nature, were never looked at as potential healing  methods. I often believed, or perhaps hoped, that the professional therapists seemed so close to restoring my sanity, just one more visit and I’ll be fine was the nearest I got to any recovery at all. Nearly recovered does not wash when up against addiction.

How disappointing it must be when a child painstakingly puts together a grand jigsaw puzzle only to find pieces missing at the end, making the picture therefore incomplete. The puzzle can never be nearly finished or almost completed, it is simply unfinished and that’s it. No matter how many pieces are there, there is always something missing. In this unfulfilled condition under the realms of various psychotherapies full mental strength was unattainable. There was always something amiss and with no blessing through the absence of God there can be no other way but eventual failure. Finding the truth is another matter altogether, and can only be achieved through the teachings of Jesus Christ who constantly refreshes any given discourse with vigor. Those professionals with good intentions could never offer a true and loving blessing that comes free from Jesus. Having the idea that knowledge could be a substitute for God was my ultimate adversary.

Jesus said where two or three of us gather He will be there, and with His presence inner deep disruptive thoughts were pulled from me like bad teeth. Many times the burdensome thoughts that I brought to my Church have been dissipated amongst friends, allowing me to leave two hours later with the light yoke promised by Christ. Redemption gave me access and freedom to worship.

Taking honest inventory became a prerequisite to sanity, and having Jesus at the center of every word became the corner stone that held it all together. Better still, after experiencing the lightness and freedom gained from the 12 steps, my church and House Group, I have helped others through their own predicaments. The path set for me now is narrow and at times difficult akin to walking on a tight rope where falling is a real option. Having said this, there can be no comparison to the relentless search that was bound up in all kinds of corrupt intellectual nonsense, which almost became the destructive force that sent me to an everlasting darkness.

“and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen”. (Ephesians 3: 19-21)

It was two years after completing my degree at the age of 42 when I began attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings where I was offered a chance to redemption. The term God is clear in the 12 step programme, which gave me a comfortable warm feeling, for a brief moment anyway. Having denied however to my colleagues that this warmth had anything to do with God, I argued for what felt like an eternity that Jesus Christ could not unlock my mental state. If Freud, Marx, Jung and many more varying types of writers failed to unravel my thinking and set me free, then no one could? Sadly, many in AA said I didn’t need Christ and all that Christian nonsense! With all this in mind I felt that, with a little research and my new analytical skills, I could find the real hidden gem that must be lurking beneath what was often perceived in Alcoholics Anonymous as a simple 12 step programme. While I was so desperate to get well my alternative motive was, although I never realized this at the time, to maintain an intellectual superiority above other alcoholics making me appear sharper and therefore more valuable than them. The gem I craved was nothing more than a sober intellectual self that I hoped would finally be discovered within a fellowship that yearned, so I believed, after members like me. The necessary change to gain sobriety was out of the question. Why on earth change when my mind rested on such greatness that I had planned for my future? I had already learnt how to lap up the rapture of imaginary applause when I walked into a room. Whether it was a café, restaurant, doctor’s waiting room, library or an AA meeting room, it was all the same to me. Wherever I went there was an imagined exalted self that was bringing something special to the occasion. Many times I glanced around meetings thinking “how could this bunch of rabble possibly survive without my bright and intellectual sharing”? During my most boastful moments I sadly believed with all my heart that I was sharing at a deeper level than those in AA had experienced before. Based on the principle that spirituality could be found through intellect alone was the key to my new kingdom. Sobriety, so I believed, could only be achieved by prodding spirituality with an intellectual stick. Having this as my base I would invite as many alcoholics as I could to the coffee bars to reignite my passion and in doing so I would therefore be their redeemer? (The blind leading the blind springs to mind). Many times the more sober members approached me after meetings to lovingly challenge my sharing and rather than take on any humility by their corrective attempts, I would storm off in anger, only to return a few minutes later with thoughts of putting them straight. Lacking the power to straighten out my own life, I was hardly well placed to straighten out anyone else’s. This self-righteous toing and froing caused terrible anxiety and eventually sent me back on the bottle. All hope was set on winning an intellectual self-opinionated discussion, which would I hoped heighten my prideful thinking and exalt me to a more prominent position in AA. Little did I realize that these positions did not exist? After all my attempts to exalt myself above others, I really didn’t know why Jesus washed His disciples feet and told them that they would understand later; that He was here to serve and not be served. Not having shared in this assumption the keys to the Kingdom were clearly a long way off.

My ambition to rescue others thrived. While alone, often while walking to meetings, my imagination elevated me to greatness placing me on podiums standing side by side with great speakers while receiving my awards. Many times I was caught smiling to myself while my mind lapped up imagined applause from a vast audience with a thousand flashing photographers after yet another great performance. On one occasion while lapping up these applause I looked to my left and in the sidings just off stage there was Billy Connolly, Charlie Chaplin and Johnny Cash all applauding my great performance. It was only when someone snapped their fingers or said something and pop, which would bring me out of my stage set bubble. After failing in everything from life, relationships, work and everything in between, all that was left was my imagination, and that’s where my life thrived and moved on and on reaching such wonderful and dizzy heights. A great actor one day, playwright the next and a politician sorting out the world the day after. My imaginary life was the greatest place I had ever visited, and I really didn’t want to leave. Thinking back, much of this was with or without a drink.

While all this was carrying on I failed to recognize that this whole thought process was part of my unmanageable life, which is the second half of step 1, admitting that our lives had become unmanageable. For me, the more I drank the more manageable, or so it seemed, my life became. My life was only unmanageable without alcohol. When taking the first few drinks life couldn’t be more perfect. With imaginary friends like those mentioned above how could life get any better. Of course when an addict feeds the illness then with the initial intake spells heaven on earth. For me fear was totally subdued by drink. It appeared that every morning I was always just a few drinks away from normality.

My personality had been shaped by years of denial, and although by this time, I had been sober for around six months, it would be a while yet before any light would find its way in. My general negativity was fear, pride and intellect, which persuaded me that all was fine and therefore I had no real reason to search for God or attempt any suggested 12 step programme. Knowing all along that searching for God amongst the junk yard of my life, where the only path was burdened with corrosive debris, meant dispelling the disheveled self by discussing my defective personality with another person. An invisible magnetic field surrounded me making redemption impossible. An atheist attitude and prideful boasting protected me against pain, which is a prerequisite for recovery, and repelled me away from anyone that spoke of God. A kind of gravity pulled me away from people who could have become wonderful friends. Deliberately walking on the opposite side of the road to these Christians and knowing I should cross over but simply couldn’t because pride would not have it at all. It seemed that my invisible taught puppet strings repelled me to walk on unaided. I had also what I often called Porcelain skin, with which I could mask a serious intellectual look upon my undercurrent of intense sadness mixed with momentary outbursts of anger. Having all this sickness going on the term higher power appeared to suit my ideals and sickness far better. It made sense to me that to remain sober it would be a good idea to learn about, for example, The Oxford Groups and Carl Yung the psychoanalyst who played a part in AA literature, and who I was familiar with due to my obsessive reading of Freud while at university. Knowledge of Carl Jung therefore, it seemed, had become my higher power.

Soon after all this, I reckoned it was about time that I got to know the steps at a deeper psychological level too, which kept me from actually applying them to my life. My intellectual search prevented me once again from confessing my defects and sins to another. Depth psychology, so I believed, was the only answer. It became very clear when reading Freud that God was nothing other than a simpler term for Psychoanalysis that focused attention on the unconscious mind. Those that didn’t understand can use the term God, but those like me that had no problem in unlocking alcoholic sickness by intelligence could move forward with a full understanding of how the mind really worked? My supposed intellect, which was undeniably limited, managed to demote God to a shallow place where Christians who wanted to avoid the inner truth could revel and pretend. Looking back, it is clear how sick I actually was. It seemed logical that the intricate parts of my mind had to be unlocked, which could only be achieved, so I thought, by using a host of elaborate words, discussions and psychologically enhanced thought processes. Every single professional discussion I had was warped with fragmented ideas of how I was feeling and what I could achieve, and not what I couldn’t, which was stay sober and keep a calm mind?

The initial essence is in the admittance of powerlessness, which offers a little grace to allow the needed power of God in.

The opposite side to my thinking was of course the truth, and once I realized that I was actually being loved by those peculiar Godly impersonators therefore by God, the illness came to an end, but that wasn’t to come for a while yet. The keys to the Kingdom were still far from my grip.

Raniero in his book Life in Christ, explains;

“Another way of arrogantly eliminating the difference between creator and creature, between God and the self, is to confuse them, which is the form that impiety takes on today in depth psychology”. (Life in Christ p25)

How true this statement was regarding my own personal recovery and how easily I could have simply dropped dead had I continued on in that confused state and therefore missed the truth, which would have been the saddest thing of all. Raniero explains further that the discovery of the unconscious mind is used as yet another method of eliminating God. This elimination therefore leaves the Store House full with no proprietor, which is then claimed by scholars of the day and simply rearranged in various so called modern literary and psychological formats to suit them. It is like a shopper walking into God’s supermarket with row after row of all kinds of goodies on the shelves, and at the end of each row a large sign reads ‘All free, Help Yourself’. The shopper fills the trolley to the brim and finds other trolleys and does the same thing, and after filling up ten trolleys the shopper sets up a stall down the street, repackages the goods and begins to sell them to people who have failed to see Gods sign. Repackaging and relabeling the boxes is all very well if the item inside is still the same and given freely, which is what the various denominations have done; Baptists, Catholics, Methodists all love Christ but have varying labels and packaging. But of course this is not the case with modern psychology who have, generally, avoided God and taken on a professional status by selling on old scriptural ideas. Unless you point the finger at Jesus the whole spiritual idea, the essence of a psychic change disappears no matter how hard one try’s to convince sufferers through rehashed definitions. Regardless of all attempts at psychologically lighting a sober fire, without the initial flame in Jesus, there can be no heat and warmth, not in totality anyway. Denying Jesus is one method modern psychology uses to promote psychological theories by selling them on as original, when it is clear to me that the results psychologist desperately search for can be found through Jesus Christ “on earth as it is in Heaven” (Mathew 6: 10)

Often I see addicts who clean house by holding discussions with various psychologists only to end up relying on a so called higher power that lacks the necessary substance to maintain their sobriety. Addicts that attain to a self-styled Gods quite often, like me before baptism, become easily offended and engage in unnecessary wordy debates about matters that are beyond their reach, for the moment anyway. Many become hurt and disheveled by their ignored attempts to be heard, and therefore full back on their drug of choice. The needed power used by the first alcoholic pioneers who produced the 12 step programme was Jesus, and all those who attempt the 12 steps nowadays can often find themselves so close, only to fall at the final hurdle.

An old colleague of mine leant me a book that had supposed ideas on how to search for and soothe the inner child by revisiting childhood as an adult. The book suggested that most of our pain is caused by emotions that have been stored away since child hood, and concentrates the reader on how to redeem them and therefore redeem the inner self allowing room for freedom and peace. After reading through the author’s deliberation on his ultimately unwholesome life, he made it quite clear that he found faith through this particular process. He detailed that to achieve a successful outcome one must put faith in a spirit, with which he used a cartoon sketch of a wizard. Immediately interest drained right out of me, oh no I thought, not another higher powered god to contend with? Although I must say looking closer at the image of the wizard, which the author kindly drew for the reader, did look rather like how many of us would draw Jesus. Being confused about this form of therapy I searched out some answers from my close Christian colleagues who advised my friend and I in two areas. The first was to continue with God rather than the suggested wizard, because we can achieve anything under the gaze of Christ, and the second was to forget the whole project altogether. On discussing this with a further Christian friend who explained that he too went to visit a psychotherapist in London who used this particular technique in a group seminar, and ended up crying his eyes out. He loved the whole process, but said it could only be successful using Christ and certainly not an image of an imaginary wizard. Having said this, the problem my friend encountered was the lack of faith in others who were there, where many people were psychologically travelling back to their childhood without having the correct faith to deal with what was exposed to them. The suggested wizard lacked the necessary power that Jesus has in great supply. It appeared then that modern psychology worked alongside my friend’s faith? Having the correct so called higher power in place, which is Jesus, all psychology can then be attempted without fear. My initial attempts failed dismally through the lack of trust, love and my lack of faith in Jesus. How could anyone in such a state be expected to have faith in a professional who was often separated by dinner breaks, 9 to 5 timetables, rules, expected behavioral patterns and what ever else gets in the way of genuine counsel. Having Christ we only need ask once and the correct people will be put in our paths regardless from where the help comes from, which I suppose on the other hand may come in the form of professional therapy, as long as the professionals are Christian. Oh dear, there appears to be so many twists and turns regarding therapy, it is without any doubt far better to seek out Jesus first. Remember;

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”.(Mathew 6: 33)

It took me two years to get to know the most basic understanding of the Bible after receiving some solid beginner’s advice from my first House Group leaders. A solid decision was made not to pick up the various psychological literature that would ultimately disrupt my focus on the bible. Even Christian psychology would not do where some clergy were banging on about varying biblical meaning. My fear became positive and was from God. Remembering one of my earlier lectures where the Bible was side lined became my best advocate, which I used as a foundation not to make the same mistake again by people pleasing anyone who would attempt to disregard my spiritual search, which happened on a few occasions. Most friends were intrigued by my newness and genuinely wanted to know what I was up to. Nevertheless, advice by anyone outside the Christian faith was ignored with ease and my reliance had to be upon God, and not an intellectual’s, or even an alcoholics, opinion on God. It had to be the same God used by many of those early AA pioneers, which was the God of the Scriptures.

“For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers”. (Proverbs 11: 14)

Advice here is key, but it must come from the correct source. The Spirit of Truth became everything and earthy opinions were seen for what they usually are, self-indulgence or self-exaltation of some kind or another. While amongst psychiatric professionals it was clear that my inner thoughts were not about to be washed away; I would stay like an unclean low-life from start to finish and walk home while trying to enforce peace in my thinking.

As mentioned earlier, Jesus washed his disciple’s feet and said He was here to serve and not be served. The idea of embracing a person and helping them through their troubles can only be done if the teacher is prepared to become lower and not higher as the doctors in my case were. The teacher must be transparent, disciplined and give up more than the students to be ultimately successful. The students then can become humble like the teacher. In as much as some mental health doctors attempted to set a stage that represented friendship the very fact that I had to make an appointment and sit in a waiting room spelt out their importance before we had even met. While reading the Bible I knew that I had found the answer, and that all my time was being used positively. Finally I was rid of the never ending search for psychological literature that would ultimately, so I believed, explain to me what the bible really meant. All the time while along this bumpy intellectual path I believed that I would find an inner peace that Christians could only dream of, how wrong could one be?

Throughout my first two years as a Christian, the six day creation; the virgin mother; the resurrection; Jesus dying for our sins; Jesus walking on water; Jesus healing the blind; the power of the cross; the risen Christ were all introduced to me with such simplicity and love. Previously all the above were fairy tale obstacles that prevented any spiritual growth from taking place. Most have now been overcome. The questions I had have been answered. What were once hurdles that were created by my own belligerent ignorance have now been removed from my inner most belief system that has been given to me through Jesus, scripture and mature Christians. From early sobriety I have read my Bible every day to meet my daily reprieve based on my spiritual condition. More and more of my inner truth has been revealed, as long as I discuss my limited understanding of God with others, which is the ingredient needed to complete a successful step 3. It is essential here to focus on “God as we understood him”, and not as it is often suggested, a god of your own understanding. The later implies that the belligerent addict must invent a god of some sort, which is plain ridiculous. Creating my own understanding of god always ended as self-will diluted with alcohol. To suggest to an alcoholic that they must make up their own God turns the whole idea from sober objectivity to drunken comedy. Overall, wherever I landed in life, people from various walks had some kind of power over my actions. My direction was always in the hands of others no matter how hard I attempted creative input, the necessary power wasn’t there. Often the power that I incorporated married up to other people’s need for dominance and control. Many times I read spiritual books because an apparent spiritual person said that they were a ‘must read’, so I believed wholeheartedly that I must read them without question. Even with all those dismal failures I would still nod yes after pretending to have read every word.

Having been involved with a House Group for a few years now, it is impossible to pick up any mind altering literature at all, unless I am guiding another person away from it by explaining my own experiences. All the literature I read nowadays, which is Christian based, is governed firstly by discussing the author with a Christian colleague, and secondly by making sure that the writing is focused on scripture. We are all part of a community where each of us asks for the same spiritual guidance and therefore we share literary suggestions to help each other along. Saint Paul describes Christians as various parts of the same body, which is trying to replicate the body of Christ. One thing is for sure, this journey is about continually learning and not about all knowing, it is progressive and conclusive. Although we continue to learn, we fully understand and conclude that the power of God’s message is constantly refreshed within us. Baptism into the name of Jesus Christ was both my ultimate beginning and conclusion, which means I must spend the rest of my life, one day at a time, learning what it takes to live with His character. It is His Spirit at work within our bodies that makes us responsible.

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6: 19-20)

The rebirth offered by Jesus is a life-long learning experience in itself, which is at times difficult to take. As Jesus tells us to take one day at time, because tomorrow will have its own problems we only need to look at today. It can at times be too much when surrounded by those who share the same compassion as you and clearly have the love of Jesus in their hearts. Nevertheless, the overwhelming feeling we often get must be harnessed and given away to a potential Christian, otherwise it stays with us and can stagnate into pride. The more I learn the narrower and longer the path becomes. I often see doorways that were originally closed to me opening up and inside there are more and more scripture lead Christians that have a clear understanding of God. The understanding these fellows have of God is far from their own conception. These people have shown how they used up their own self will as an energy force to get closer to God. To be sure, there is very little reference when discussing spiritual growth that is outside scripture. All discussions refer to scriptural meaning, which is absolutely necessary to affirm that self will is not at play. When inquisitive it is far better to be guided to scripture by a Christian who has been empowered to maturity by the word of God, like perhaps a mature church or House Group leader. In Alcoholics Anonymous the only way out of the alcoholic dilemma was to go through the 12 step literature that was on offer, a kind of Christian Kindergarten, and once completed and all the inventory had been released then slow and productive guidance through the bible will show a recovered alcoholic where the whole 12 step process originates from.

Many discussions I had with regard to the higher power themes were completed in an evening and never raised again. Conversations regarding so called higher power gods fizzled out like a suffocating camp fire. There never seemed to be much more to say on the matter after, say, a one hour debate on all kinds of higher power matters. The more we tried to keep the fire going on these discussions the more complicated and confused things got. The Big Book tells us that ‘the message must carry depth and weight’. The discussion regarding Jesus alone has been going on for over two thousand years and is still unfinished. The Spirit of Truth also is a never ending discussion that has universal complexity and gravity that envelopes all languages and cultures. God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit is a never ending phenomenon that goes on and on and on all the time getting better and better with a new and loving adventure around every turn. Every time I pick up the Bible there are constant reminders of true wonder and the greatness of Christ. The Old Testament screams out how necessary the deliverance of Christ was and is for humanity to grow and details how impossible it all is without Him who has all knowledge and power. Spiritual growth continues on and always needs clipping and trimming so the shadows can be dispersed and more growing can take place in the light.

When I think of that small group of disciples many centuries ago gathering and waiting for the Holy Spirit to descend upon them while praying in the upper room, and then setting out to change the world from a place that struggled with all kinds of growth. It seemed that from individuals to nations all people were, before the coming of Christ, set against one another. Enveloped in the Holy Spirit this first group of disciples managed to change the world from captive minds to freedom. Therefore, it is the Holy Spirit that does the works and is the perfect so called higher power.

During their time with Jesus the disciples were constantly challenged, all the time knowing that they were learning from the ultimate master. Saint Peter had a particularly hard time of it all with Jesus telling him “get behind me Satan”. They all loved Jesus and learnt so much from Him who had all knowledge about our living condition, but their love for Jesus alone wasn’t enough for a small group of people to change the world and create the special kind of freedom Christ offered. The coming of the Holy Spirit, a short time after Jesus was crucified, was the final blow that gave the disciples the strength they needed to pass on the word of God. With all courage that perhaps they lacked before receiving the Holy Spirit, all but one were martyred for their faithful love for Jesus. The ultimate prize had been paid by Jesus and followed by the first groups of Christians that wanted the whole of humanity to have freedom from slavery, law and sin. When He promised His disciples the Holy Spirit Jesus said;

“If you love me, keep my commands, and I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live.”

 “On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, “But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?

Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me”.

“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid”. (John 14: 15-27)

Jesus said that God will send the Spirit of Truth and with this event beginning at Pentecost a new strength was added. The change in the disciples was immediate with both fire settling above them and their talking in tongues. The Holy Spirit completed the trinity. From the ministry of Jesus and the coming of the Holy Spirit all manner of recovery came about, not just for the self-willed alcoholic addict but from a whole range of illnesses that the Spirit of Truth heals us from by replacing dark depressions with a light that brings a new life in exchange. We give up the old because God makes that happen, and we bring in the new by God’s light and guidance. Continuing on we pray and listen to how we can help and guide others while making sure that we do not confuse our own will with Gods. A pastor of a local church recently told me after asking her for advice, “just try it and see, you’ll soon know if it is God’s will or not”. There have been many times where self-will has governed over a situation and the results are clear, and when God works through me there is a paramount difference with the end result. In everything I do the evidence is so clear, which materializes sometimes long after the event. It is during a self-willed decision that is overshadowed with pride, which always causes me stress. Pride always comes back to haunt me in various guises and often raises its ugly head and visits me disguised as God. Only recently I had overcome a particular sin, which was bound up in believing that I had a special illness that needed particular attention. It was very similar to an explanation I once gave at work concerning a back problem that had developed during my bricklaying years. On returning to work I told my work colleagues that my back was particularly bad, explaining that I needed special treatment from a center in London. Mentioning the fact that I had to travel to the City to seek professional guidance was all for effect and was in fact untrue. For selfish reasons I wanted my work colleagues to believe that my problems were of a special type that needed tentative care and the best professional attention. To convince them further I used terms that could only be found in professional books, simply to overshadow any doubts that they may have regarding my need for specialist consideration. All of it was absolute nonsense and was just another way of placing myself on the rostrum above others as a special case. Trying to push these specialist ideals at my House Group however, were met with prayer and positive conflict, which is necessary for me to admit my wrong doing and move on.

The House Group evenings are always set on moving toward God and does not allow in any personally devised ideas of what I think I am. It is what God knows I am, which is important to my Christian colleagues. My special case was closed within perhaps three House Group visits where prayer tampered with my selfish thinking. Initially, my irrational attitude changed within just a few weeks of being a member of my church. From my first House Group, although quite nervous, I could see clearly that it wasn’t about me, which made it all about our spiritual growth. The paradox being, that I actually felt spiritual fulfilled and therefore better about myself regardless of my so called personal problems that seemed to work themselves out anyway, as long as self was encompassed by God.

I recently watched a science programme on television where a group of scientists discussed what they called the fourth dimension. The narrative voice attempted to explain an invisible energy that envelopes us all. The image on the screen showed circular animated arrows revolving around a group of people who were stood outside a shopping center oblivious to the energy around them. I thought of the Holy Spirit, an energy that is always there and can only been felt by those who ask for Him. There have been many times recently where the concept of modern science and the Holy Spirit are so close.

I have never once turned up at church thinking it will be the same as last week. There has always been some kind of newness surrounding my church on Sunday mornings where every week differs from the last. If you haven’t experienced this yet, then you may need to join a church where the vexing of the spirit can be dealt with, which will see you straight and set you free from the stubborn things we all hold on to. The Holy Spirit was described to me once as a constant water fall over our shoulders, and because of doubt all we receive is the spray. What is offered by God is a soaking, what we sometimes take is a damp squib. God is constant, a continuous never ending process of learning and discovering the supernatural. The knowledge and keys to the Kingdom is in both the scripture and Christians that love passing on God’s message.

The four primary areas that must be covered are;

1) Church membership.   2) Joining a weekly House Group.  3) Reading scripture on a daily basis.  4) Attend to prayer and meditation at least twice a day.